Consuming alcohol has finally been afforded the spiritual weight it deserves after it was officially recognised as a religion.
Instantly becoming the world’s most popular, long standing and well supported religion, drinking booze has been part of religious observances for many of the most popular religions but only this week was declared one in its own right.
“I actually used to be Christian and would enjoy the wine and crackers part of Mass most,” explained religious drinker Stuart Harkin, “it got to the stage where wine and crackers were the most interesting part for me, not because they were the literal or even metaphorical body and blood of Christ, but cause they got me drunk and fed.”
“Now, instead of mass I go to nightclubs where I consume pills, booze and have a legitimate spiritual experience without my money going to support a faceless conglomerate,” he added. “Well, the money still goes to a conglomerate but at least it doesn’t rape kids.”
“It’s about time this has happened, I’ve been drinking religiously for years, most of my friends who drink do it at least three or four times a week, especially on Sundays, that’s more commitment than other religions would hope to get.”
“We don’t really have a God to speak of except maybe George Best or Oliver Reed,” he concluded, “it’s more the ritualistic attitude of drinking alcohol, having a laugh then waking up feeling purged and guilty. Sort of like Catholicism without the candles and incense.”
