Men’s perception of the passage of time is capable of being subtly manipulated in instances when waiting for their girlfriend’s to hurry the fuck up and get ready for nights out, it has emerged.
The phenomenon, known as ‘you look fine, c’mon we’re going to be late’, is experienced whenever a boyfriend is dressed for a night out before his girlfriend.
“What we’ve observed is that for men, or it could be a woman, time actually slows down when waiting for their partner to sort their hair out or try on a different top,” claimed CERN spokesperson Tim Fern. “Our tests suggest that time slows to a crawl and moves along about half as quickly as normally, like when waiting to use an occupied toilet or for Eastenders to finish.”
“It most commonly occurs on Saturday nights when you’ve both got the following day off and you’re proper excited to get out on a mad one or when you’re meeting everyone at 9pm and it’s 8.30pm and you’ve not even ordered a taxi yet,” he added. “It can also happen when she’s ready first and he’s still playing Football Manager in his boxers and smoking spliffs and she has to meet her workmates who she’s been talking you up to for the last 6 months.”
The study concluded that time isn’t actually slowing down for you because you’re an impatient fucker who should appreciate that your girlfriend is going to so much effort to look her best for both you and herself but that “it actually does slow down for realsies”.
“Thankfully though, this slowing down can be prevented for either partner by just getting on it early while they’re getting ready,” he concluded. “Then by the time they’re done you’ll be two drinks deep and have a nice little buzz on.”
