American pop veteran, Madonna, has announced that she is to launch a brand of anti wrinkle EDM face cream that is made predominantly out of DJs’ jizz.
Madonna, who doesn’t look a day over fifty five despite being fifty seven next month, claims that she owes her youthful looks to a new regime of coconut oil and DJ jizz.
“I’m looking younger than ever,” claimed Madge in a recent chat with Wunderground. “I actually got asked for ID in the store the other day when I was buying wine for Lourdes, that’s how fresh I’m looking. I obviously don’t carry ID so I just took the scarf I was wearing off and showed the clerk my turkey neck and he let me have the booze.”
“I haven’t had any cosmetic surgery in like six months so I couldn’t quite put my finger on where my eternal youth was coming from,” revealed the singer. “The only thing I’ve been doing different in that time is hanging out with Diplo and using coconut oil so I put two and two together and came up with a way to make a couple of million dollars.”
According to sources close to Madonna, The Like A Virgin singer has been using “extra curricular activities” with DJs to boost her self esteem and make her feel more relevant, with early indications suggesting the tactic is working.
“I’m not sure what’s in DJs’ jizz, well I imagine it’s mostly sperm, but it seems to be working wonders for Madonna,” claimed the anonymous source. “I don’t think it’s making her look any younger but it’s definitely making her feel better about herself, if it works as well as it does on her, on the public we could be looking at a miracle product.”
Madonna, pictured above about to down a shot of Diplo martini, is believed to be opening a “DJ only sperm donation bank”, rumoured to be in her mouth, where DJs will be paid a small fee to contribute to her new product.
