Scientists at Cern Switzerland have unveiled plans to simulate the world’s first K-Hole.
For many years scientists across the globe have tried to crack the secrets of the mysterious phenomena which has been described as a drug induced parallel universe which might hold ‘…the keys the origins of human consciousness, the universe and the reason people enjoy psytrance’.
Esteemed scientist and all around top-lad Stephen Hawking has been trapped in a K-Hole for over 30 years and is keen to ‘find a way out’.
Dr. Hawking took a near life threatening dose many years ago in the hope of discovering more about the universe and now communicates through a computer from the epicenter of a K-Hole.
While trapped there he has conquered a huge number of life’s mystery’s such as proving the existence of black-holes, making physics accesible to non-experts and also discovered Ten Walls career hiding in there.
The reasons for the simulation is due to the long standing suspicion within the scientific community that when a person enters a K-Hole they are transcending dimensions with some believing that the brain of the user disappears completely.
The details revealed on CERN’s online journal describe a fairly straight forward method for achieving results:
“We want to get two test subjects, ideally a person who has never used ketamine before and Stephen Hawking, we will then inject them with a controlled dose of liquid ketamine. We will place them into the tunnel of the Large Hadron Collider and send them in opposing directions, we’re hoping that when they collide particles will fire off the subjects giving us insight into the beginnings of the universe.”
It’s important that they get the doses correct, they need the K-Hole to kick in right at the point of collision otherwise it might send Dr Hawking even further into the hole or, even worse, release Ten Walls career back into our dimension.
We spoke with John a regular ketamine user about what he thinks the experiments might achieve and he is hopeful:
“I’ve been to the moon and back, I’m not even exaggerating, I was at my buddy Paul’s where we snuffed a few slugs of the Horse’s Delight, I realised my shoe laces were untied and when I bent down I ended up with my head up my own arse by accident. Literally minutes after freeing my head I began to levitate towards the sky. By the time I reached the moon I just wondered why it smelt so bad, like a Glaswegian public restroom. Slowly I returned back to earth and landed back in my armchair. The smell turned out to be a common side effect of reentry into Earth’s atmosphere, shitting yourself.”
