The parents of a group of unruly astronauts are reportedly becoming increasingly nervous as it was today announced that clubnight Do Not Sleep are scheduled to head to Space.
Following the announcement of the takeover the group of concerned astro-parents held a meeting to decide how best to combat the sleep deprived sleep over excitement that the astronauts are sure to experience.
“The second I heard that Do Not Sleep were heading to Space I knew I too wouldn’t get any sleep that night,” explained the concerned mother of superstar astronaut Rick Tanner. “It’s worrying because I’ve heard that those Do Not Sleep guys rarely sleep as it is, and that one of them prefersto stay up all night playing music to sweaty people on some island or becoming embroiled in controversy.”
“Immediately I took steps to ensure that Rick doesn’t stay up too late,” she continued. “I’ve hidden all the fizzy drinks, put a parental lock on the porn channels and told him he can only have 2000 friends over.”
“I’m excited for them to head to Space, it’ll be his first time there, hopefully from orbit he’ll be able to see Calvin Harris’s ego while he’s up there and take a steamy slash on it,” she added. “That’s something that, as a parent, you really want for your children….to urinate into the open mouth of an internationally maligned pop-cunt.”
Another parent explained how they’ve “basically hidden all the alcohol and sellotaped newspaper to the floor so that the clean up is marginally improved” and warned that anyone who pisses out of the airlock “will most likely die or at least lose some pubic hair”.
Do Not Sleep’s Space takeover is scheduled for launch this September 24th and will feature cosmonauts Syrossian as well as space-walking duo Sante and Sidney Charles, who have permission from both their parents to stay up as late as they want so long as they cut the grass tomorrow and clean up any spillages.
