An Englishman has been left nearly half a million pounds out of pocket after impulsively buying twenty kilos of cocaine while watching an episode of Narcos.
Graeme “Pablo” Dawson, thirty three, is believed to have had the overwhelming urge to bulk buy the narcotic after spending the previous five hours watching back to back episodes of the drama which glamourises Colombia’s lucrative cocaine trade.
“It felt like I were in some sort of weird trance,” admitted Graeme earlier. “One minute I was just sitting happily watching the show and the next I was hanging up the phone after arranging to buy twenty kilos of cocaine. I can’t even really remember having the conversation but it definitely happened.”
“The funny thing is I don’t even really like cocaine,” continued Mr. Dawson, a soon to be full time drug dealer. “I’ve only had it a couple of times and I’ve never felt any desire to go out and buy it but while I was watching that show I couldn’t help but want to get my hands on some. Now I’m stuck with twenty poxy kilos of the stuff. I don’t even know what to do with it.”
“It wasn’t just the coke that I was craving either,” he added. “It was everything in the show. I just wanted it to be my life so bad. I’ve already started to grow a stupid looking moustache, bought myself some very questionable floral shirts and just signed up to a year’s long subscription on hotlatinoasses.com.”
According to sources close to Mr. Dawson, the thirty three year old is considering splitting all twenty of the kilos down to “1 gram wraps” in an attempt to make his money work and move one step closer to an Escobaresque lifestyle.
