An Irish girl has cancelled her Netflix account “for good” after receiving news that she was pregnant for the third time in four years.
Melissa Matthews, a twenty eight year old full time mum, blames the popular streaming website exclusively for her run of unplanned pregnancies.
“I’m so sick of being pregnant, fat and ugly,” claimed Matthews earlier today. “Netflix is an awful pain in the hole when it comes to getting yourself up the duff. It’s basically just sex on the couch isn’t it? I honestly think they put crappy shows on it because they know you’ll be riding long before one episode of it is over. I bet the whole thing is probably run by Pampers.”
“I was only just getting over my last pregnancy and getting back to a point where I was feeling confident enough about my body to ask random guys over for Netflix and chill again,” continued Ms. Matthew’s who is hoping for a “black baby” this time around. “And now the doctors are telling me that I’m pregnant again. My fanny’s going to look like a bowl of spaghetti by the time I squeeze the little cunt out.”
“I had no choice but to get rid of the Netflix, I don’t want to be one of them aul ones with ten poxy children,” revealed the single mother. “The children’s allowance money would be nice but there’s no way I can risk getting preggers again after this one so it’s gone. The only bad thing is I’m going to need to find somewhere to watch the latest Orange is the New Black.”
According to statistics, the number of unplanned, unwanted and out of wedlock conceptions have quadrupled since the launch of Netflix.
