The music industry was celebrating today after news emerged confirming that Simon Cowell’s latest car crash TV series, Ultimate DJ, was to be cancelled just weeks before it was due to be aired.
According to show insiders, the decision to pull the plug on Cowell’s latest venture was made after a number of celebrity, idiot DJs failed to train a group of idiots into becoming idiot DJs.
“It was clear from very early on that this show was never going to work,” claimed Wunderground’s anonymous source earlier today. “You can’t put that many idiots into one room and hope to come out with anything other than a pretty hilarious blooper reel but as for actual usable footage, we’d be lucky if we managed to fill five minutes.”
“Basically, we had a bunch of teenagers, whose idea of Djing was instant fame and cheap, gimmicky, forgettable music and stage productions,” confirmed the source. “Then we had guest DJ mentors, like Steve Aoki, whose idea of Djing was also instant fame and cheap, gimmicky, forgettable music and stage productions.”
“So if no one involved in the show actually knew anything about DJing we were never going to produce any actual DJs,” continued the whistleblower. “You can polish a turd all you want but unless you’ve got a magic wand all you’re going to get is a shiny turd and believe me, after working with Simon on a number of different shows, I can safely say shiny turds still stink of shit.”
Reports emerging from within the Cowell camp indicate that Mr. Cowell has returned to LA, where he is believed to be cheering himself up by having a pair of extra-high wasted trousers and a black t-shirt, with a neck line that plunges all the way to his belly button, custom made.
