Afraid his political career may not have the longevity of other “great men” in history such as orator and war-criminal Tony Blair, British Prime Minister David Cameron has been practicing the art of turntablism in the hope of becoming a DJ when he leaves office.
In a statement made by his PR agent today, Cameron said, “The decision to call myself a name which reflects my raw DJing talent and embraces the rumours about how much I love meat was a difficult one but I believe it was the right move.”
The statement also revealed that the album’s first release will be available in time for Christmas and will be called “Rasher Decisions”, featuring original compositions such as Huff and Puff(Blow the House Down Edit), Globe-Trotter and Bullingdon Clubbers
His agent has also revealed that the album features reworks of certain classics, “He’s reworked The Chemical Brothers’ ‘Electro Bank’ into a track called ‘Electro Piggy Bank’, and the final track, ‘Red, Red Swine’, which features a well placed sample from UB40, brings up the rear on Cameron’s first release.”
Wife of the PM, Samantha Cameron, admitted today that she had been uncomfortable with the idea of David referencing his alleged “appreciation” of fine meats, saying, “I just allowed him to call me ‘Babe’ again last week and it was only yesterday the butler, Jeeves, was allowed to buy wafer thin ham from Marks & Spencer again.”
Despite his partner’s objections, Cameron chose to run with the branding technique, and has been cutting it up for London underground Hip Hop crew “Abattoir and Costello” at their live shows ever since.
After a string of successful gigs, the Prime Minister of Sound is supposedly unbearably smug, however, his agent revealed that Cameron was not so confident at his first live outing.
“Nerves got the better of Dave, but luckily support was on hand from an unknown man dressed as Sloth from the Goonies,” he claimed. “We later found out that it was actually Boris Johnson, who’d dropped in wearing a pair of dungarees on his way home from a line dancing lesson.”
With the media buzzing around the potential career move, like a swarm of objectively curious and unbiased vultures, it would seem that Cameron is set to be an outright success. However, a London promoter who booked the DJ PM for a gig last Saturday, claims that his show didn’t come up to the standards promised by his agent.
“I’d never heard him play. I just presumed his ability to cut records would be as good as his ability to cut public spending,” claimed the promoter.
Decide for yourself if the PM has what it takes to make it as a turntablist when “Rasher Decisions” is released on November 30th on A Matter of Public Records.
