A local cocaine addict has claimed that he is not addicted to the drug but continues to take it daily because he “just loves the smell”.
Speaking at a recent DA (Druggy Anonymous) session in Leeds, addict Tim, who was attending due to a court order, claimed that he didn’t belong with “all the other junkies” because he wasn’t addicted to coke at all, he was merely “mad for the smell”.
We managed to catch up with Tim after the DA session to discuss his love of the smell of cocaine, and to see whether he was suffering from FMS (False Memory Syndrome) or if, in fact, he was just a massive, lying, drug dealing prick.
After us refusing a taster smell or five (which would result in us having to buy an eighth of Cocaine off him or he’d get the heavies down) Tim began to explain his hatred for the drug itself, and how it was just the smell that was his “thing”.
After he sniffed two half gram lines up both nostrils with a rolled up £50 note, Tim tells us, “Yeah mate, I fucking hate it, only do about a quarter ounce a day because I love the smell! I’ve always been one for smells, my Mum said even when I was a teenager, I used to sniff all sorts, even my own farts. God knows why, as my farts smell like a three hundred year old Ostrich egg that’s been fermenting on the surface of the sun for fifteen decades. Then there was the glue, the petrol and the gas, I wasn’t even sniffing them for the buzz like the rest of the kids on the estate, I was just intrigued by the different aromas.”
“After a while I got bored of the smell of those things and I moved onto cocaine,” continued Tim while topping up his aromatherapy. “It’s a lot nicer than petrol or any of that other nonsense but it’s a bit more expensive so I started selling a load of it to the junky filth around the estate, just to pay for my own bit.”
“I can’t see myself ever giving it up now, I’m making a few grand a week from promoting it to vulnerable addicts, why the fuck would I stop liking the smell of it now? You fucking undercover or something?” he asked with an air of paranoia normally associated with cocaine addiction. “You want to fucking go, you whiny little reporting cunt fuck, I’ll have you all now, COME ON THEN!!!”.
According to unconfirmed reports, Tim continued to smash up the meeting hall like a paranoid, halfwit bellend, until he finally gave up when “the jitters” set in and he needed to go home and reaffirm himself with his favourite fragrance.
