Donald Trump’s wig maker has reportedly been sacked with immediate effect after failing a workplace drug test.
Wig maker Harrison Bent is believed to have been fired in spectacular fashion by Trump after a random urine test uncovered “all of the drugs” in the man’s sample.
Witness Owen Looker described the scene, “It was shocking, I’ve never seen Mr. Trump so angry with someone in all my time working here, and we have Mexicans and Muslims in the office so he often loses his cool, but this was different, he was really mad.”
“He was screaming ‘you’re fired!’ at the top of his voice, it was like watching an episode of The Apprentice, if the day’s task had been to see who could feed the boss the most crack,” explained Mr. Looker. “Luckily for Harrison, he was stoned out of his mind and he took it all quite well, he just started laughing and touching Mr. Trump’s face before walking out while singing Don’t Worry Be Happy.”
“We’ll all be sad to see Harrison go, he was the life and soul of the office,” continued a slightly sad Mr. Looker. “He was always in such a great mood, it must have been all the drugs he was taking. We all knew what he was up to. All you had to do was take a look at Mr. Trump’s wigs and it was glaringly obvious the guy who made them was completely whacked all of the time, which makes it kind of difficult to understand why the boss was so surprised.”
According to one insider, Mr. Bent, an average sized man, had enough drugs to kill an average man in his system.
“It’s a miracle the guy was still alive with the amount of drugs we found in his system,” claimed the source, “and a real testament to his skills as a wig maker that he could still make something that slightly resembled a head of human hair to sit on top off Mr. Trump’s big bald cranium with that much dope in his bloodstream. He’ll be sorely missed around here.”
Unconfirmed reports indicate that Mr. Trump has replaced Bent with a team of blind, baby Madagascan lemurs as his new official wig makers, early indications suggest a vast improvement on previous wigs.
