The world’s premier DJing equipment manufacturer, Pioneer DJ, have announced that their latest releases, the CDJ-2000-NSX2 and the DJM-900-NSX2, will contain a large hadron collider.
The Nexus line has become industry standard in clubs all across the globe and the latest announcement could see the high end equipment make it’s way from the “mixing lab to the scientific lab”.
“It’s a really ballsy move by Pioneer,” claimed physicist and ketamine enthusiast Brian Cox. “Fitting a highly sophisticated particle collider in a piece of DJing equipment is a risky business but, if it turns out to be a calculated risk, it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to both the music and science communities.”
Other new features of the CDJ-2000-NSX2 and the DJM-900-NSX2 include an improved soundcard, touch screen QWERTY keyboard and improved hot cue functions and FX tools.
“These are definitely some of the most advanced pieces of equipment that we’ve ever seen in clubland,” continued Cox, who claims frequently visiting ketholes gives him a greater understanding of space and time. “Not only will we see a vast improvement in the quality of DJ sets but it’ll also allow the DJ’s to work on different theories of particle physics and test the properties of the Higgs Bosson while they’re mixing.”
Pioneer spokesperson Michael Bond confirmed that there is an element of danger associated with the latest equipment and warned that it should not be used by under qualified people.
“The latest Nexus line are extremely technical pieces of gear,” confirmed Bond. “They should only be operated by experienced DJs or trained scientists. If it were to find it’s way into the hands of the wrong person, like a child or Steve Aoki, the results could be catastrophic so we’ll be putting a very small warning on the back of each box.”
Sources within Pioneer have confirmed that DJ and product tester James Zabiela temporarily opened a portal to a parallel universe during testing. Unconfirmed rumours suggest the parallel universe was “a bit shit”, most likely down to the fact the DJ was playing a Skrillex track when the portal opened.
