Shamed elderly crook, Sepp Blatter, has broken his silence since leaving FIFA – to slur a DJing fanzine’s editorial model.
Speaking at a press conference, Blatter told the world’s press, “For my money, DJmag’s polls seem a bit dodgy. I mean, A-Track is a DMC champion and he’s not even in the Top 100 DJs. Plus why are Daft Punk in there? They haven’t DJed in almost a decade.”
“I’ll tell you what I think,” spluttered Blatter. “I think the polls aren’t polls at all. The DJ one, the club one, the Best of British bullshit – it’s a racket. You see an advert for some EDM piss-hole in their mag, then it’s the number ten club in their club poll. How else can BCM in Magaluf, a daily foam party of STDs, be considered one of the best clubs in the world?”
“While I was at FIFA,” continued the wrinkle-faced fraudster, “I used to put on a small club night in a dis-used strip club in Zurich. We called it Blatter. Nothing special, some Quatarian tech-house, a handful of Russian prostitutes and a cash only bar. I got an email from DJmag saying if I gave them £500 for a magazine advert I’d be considered in their Top 100 Clubs poll. Do they think I have no morals?”
The seemingly well informed 79-year-old concluded “Those parasites have ruined our beautiful pass-time. They’ve taken bungs instead of doing what’s right. Does anyone really consider themselves a fan of ‘Like Mike’? Of course not.”
