Mitsubishi Motors Corporation have announced that they are to end their long standing association with ecstasy, with immediate effect.
Mitsubishi spokesperson Takishi Soma, claimed that the split was amicable and due to “creative differences”.
“Here at Mitsubishi we’ve enjoyed a long and successful partnership with ecstasy,” explained Soma during a press conference earlier today. “We’ve worked together on a number of different models, including white, pink, blue, turbo and speckled mitsubishis but we feel that we can no longer cater for the ultra competitive pill manufacturing industry and feel this is the perfect time to go our separate ways.”
Mr. Soma went on to highlight the “improved quality” of pill design as the main reason for Mitsubishi calling time on their partnership with the popular party drugs.
“We’re quite old fashioned when it comes to pills,” continued Soma. “We like our pills to be round and predominantly white with the Mitsubishi logo on one side and a line down the center of the other side. Nowadays, you’ve got ghost shaped pills, star shaped pills, pills in colours that are unrecognisable to the human eye and, apparently, there are even flavoured pills. We’ve got cars to design so we just can’t compete with modern pill makers.”
Early nineties rave victim Iain Harris also spoke about the end of one of the most recognisable partnerships the world has ever seen, “It’s a sad day for pill heads all over the world. Mitsubishis are iconic in the evolution of ecstasy and it’s sad knowing that I’ll never get to take another one again, well actually that’s not entirely true, I buried twenty of them out my mam’s back garden in ‘94 and I still haven’t managed to find them but I’m convinced they’ll show up some day.”
“I still remember my first Mitsubishi, kind of, the whole time is a bit of a blur, but I have a blanket memory that encapsulates the entire first half of the nineties and it’s a good one so it must have been great. Kids today will never understand what it was like back then, unless they triple drop, that’s what I do and it’s actually quite similar.”
Unconfirmed rumours from within the Mitsubishi Motors Corporation suggest that the company could be about to launch a new line of GHB, which will double up as a recreational drug and a de-ruster for alloy wheels.
[…] had just started dividing a couple of more Mitsubishis and was handing them out the rest of us (all girls, I’d just realized). We’d shared […]