The world’s worst advertisement for the wig industry, Donald Trump, is one step closer to being named as the Republican presidential candidate after seeing his popularity increase ten fold when he promised to send all European EDM DJs home.
Speaking at a political rally, similar to those held in Nuremberg by Charlie Chaplin impersonator Adolf Hitler in the 1930’s, Trump promised his electorate that he would send “all foreigners home, even rich, white, European ones, like those EDM DJs”.
“You know what I see when I look at this fine country’s entertainment industry?” Trump asked the crowd of gullible morons at today’s rally. “I see a lot of good American DJs sitting at home not able to get a gig on a Friday or Saturday night. Is this right? When we’ve got European DJs getting paid millions of dollars every year to play music in our nightclubs. If I am elected as President of this great county, I promise, I will send all of those job taking European DJs back home to Europe, making jobs for the best Goddamn DJs on Earth, American DJs.”
Up until now, Trump’s support has mostly come from the “gun slinging idiot” demographic but, after today’s rally, he is receiving praise from a much wider variety of people, many of whom can even spell their own name.
“My opinion on Trump has completely changed after hearing what he had to say today,” claimed potential voter Billy Hill. “I’ve always thought he was a pathetic racist with a squirrel for hair, now I still think that but I’ll probably vote for him to get rid of all of those EDM DJs. If there’s anything I hate more than a bigoted lunatic it’s cheesy commercial European dance music.”
Reports from the campaign trail indicate that potential Democrats candidate, Hillary Clinton, plans to counter Trump’s promise by encouraging importing extra European EDM DJs. However, this is likely to have little effect on the polls as most EDM fans have yet to reach voting age.
According to experts, Trump’s new found popularity is set to drop significantly in the coming days as a large percentage of the people he won over today realise that Steve Aoki is not a “European EDM DJ” and will be free to remain in the country should Trump be elected.
