A record store fanatic was left purple faced yesterday after nearly choking to death on one of Southern Fried Records’ 12-inch records.
Sixteen year old Jamie Jonneston was buying his first ever 12-inch from his local record shop ‘Championship Vinyl’ when a salesperson behind the counter, known to shop regulars and his mum as “the tastemaker” suggested he “try this tasty Southern Fried record.”
After misinterpreting the proposal and trying to act like he knew what he was doing in front of the “hip record store staff,” Jamie unduly took out the 12 inch vinyl from its packaging and took a huge bite out of the disk before trying to swallow it in one.
Rob Gordon, the record shop assistant, witnessed in horror as Jamie turned purple and began coughing up pieces of broken vinyl.
“At first I just assumed he wasn’t a Jona Sul fan and the guy was trying to say he didn’t like the track,” said Gordon. “He asked me ‘What is this again? I can’t taste any Southern Fried herbs or spices’ I said it was ‘Full Fat’ by Jona Sul… But then I realised he was actually trying to chow down on a fucking record.”
After successfully performing the heimlich maneuver, Rob left Jamie to recuperate from his embarrassment in the back room until a medic arrived.
When questioned by the A&E worker as to why he tried to eat a piece of vinyl, Jamie admitted he was just trying to go along with what the super-cool record store worker told him.
“These guys are meant to be the ‘tastemakers’ and I was just trying to show them how much I loved vinyl” James told the emergency workers.
He continued “The blurb on the record even set it was ‘cooked up by Southern Fried Records’ so I was pretty disappointed when I realised it tasted nothing like deep fried chicken.”
The 16-year-old was later discharged from hospital with doctors recommending he stay clear of record stores for a while and ensure he fills up on a hearty meal before next handling vinyl.
