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April 17, 2016
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“I Don’t Need Drugs Because I’m Crazy Enough” Claims Man At Rave

It has emerged that a non-drug taking raver has been heard boasting to strangers about not needing to take drugs because he is “crazy enough” without them.

Twenty seven year old Adrian Cole, from Slough, England, is said to be of the opinion that “drugs are for mugs” and “he doesn’t need drugs to have a good time”.

“I find it weird that people take ecstasy and cocaine to have a good time” ranted Adrian. “I don’t need to fill my body with that shit to be the life and soul of the party as I am a whacky enough character without it. I do random things all the time, just ask my mates. I am always the first one in my crew to pull a hilarious prank on a night out. It could be something like dancing directly in the middle of a group of girls without being invited, putting on a silly hat or tipping a drink over my head just for LOLs; and I do all of this without the need of being under the influence of drugs. More people should be like me.”

Wunderground asked Adrian’s friend David what he thought of it all “He comes along to raves but is a proper buzz kill” David told us. “Fair play to him for not getting on it – but he drinks ten times more than the rest of us and ends up either leering at a group of young girls making them feel incredibly uncomfortable; causing a fight or falling asleep in a corner somewhere. He usually spends the night preaching to anyone who will listen about how much fun he is without needing to take a pill – without realising he is coming across as a drunken, slurry idiot.”

“At the end of the day, if people want to take drugs that is up to them, but you wont find me getting on anything other than booze anytime soon” said Adrian. “I don’t feel the need to end up like a crack-head thanks very much. Eventually all of these people taking drugs at raves will develop a habit and get addicted. They will all lose their jobs and their teeth because of drugs. I have tried warning them about this slippery slope but they usually tell me to fuck off. It is at that point I go and get another pint.”

Nathon Woodhead

Nathon Woodhead

Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.

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