English rapper and record producer Tinie Tempah has been ordered to take growth hormones and anger management classes by the English Criminal Court.
Tempah, who recently found himself in hot water following an angry outburst in Wetherspoons where he accused a local of robbing an onion bhaji from his plate, will begin his hormone treatment and anger management classes later this month.
“This is fucking bullshit man. Growth hormones? Why the fuck would I need to take growth hormones? I’m a perfectly average height. It’s total bollocks,” shouted an angry Tinie earlier today. “And don’t even get me started on the anger management classes. I’m calmness personified, I feel like punching someone in the face.”
“It’s the other prick who should have to be going to classes,” continued the ranting rapper. “How not to eat a fucking onion bhaji that doesn’t belong to you classes. The cunt. I swear if I ever see that little robbing dick splash again I’ll smash him. I don’t care if there’s any evidence or not I know he ate it, I could smell the cardamom pods of his breath.”
“People think that just because my name is Tinie Tempah that I must be some sort of angry little dwarf but I’m not,” claimed Tinie. “I’m nearly two inches bigger than Tinchy Stryder, it was supposed to be an ironic name but nobody in this country seems to get irony. I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m living in a world full of morons. It makes me so angry, people just don’t get me.”
Lethal Bizzle, a close friend of Tempa’s, gave Wunderground his opinion, “It’s classic little man syndrome. The only difference between Tinie and other little fellas is that he can’t see how angry and small he is. It’s funny, he buzzes around like a wasp but thinks he’s floating like a ladybird. Just make sure you never say anything about it to his face though, the last person who did ended up with Tinie’s size 5 shoe so far up his ass he could taste the laces.”
