Dutch EDM superstar Hardwell has announced that he is to cancel the entire European leg of his I Am Hardwell tour due to him being a complete pussy.
The news comes just days after the DJ announced that he was cancelling his scheduled show in Antwerp, Belgium, because of the heightened threat of a terrorist attack. However, the latest developments suggest that the cancellation was due to Hardwell being a “total pussy” rather than an unsafe work environment.
Wunderground spoke to Antwerp based music journalist Harry De Smedt, “Well I think it’s quite obvious that the reason Hardwell has cancelled these shows is because he’s a complete pussy. Firstly, he’s Dutch and they’re all pussies and, secondly, it’s fucking Europe, not Afghanistan, life goes on, there’s kids playing in the street, it’s quite safe here, most of the time.”
“It’s either that or the tickets aren’t selling,” continued De Smedt. “Belgian people are incredibly loyal to their own and now that Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike have replaced Hardwell as the world’s number one DJs it is likely that his popularity has suffered here, but that wouldn’t have happened in the rest of Europe so I think it’s safe to say he’s just a giant pussy.”
According to Hardwell’s mother, Maggie van de Corput, the young DJ developed a “terrible fear” of terrorists after watching the movie Back to the Future as a child.
“Nick is terrified of terrorists,” revealed Maggie earlier. “Ever been living in fear ever since he seen poor Doc Brown getting cut down by those bastard Libyans. He still has nightmares and wets the bed because of it. What a pussy!”
Other things Hardwell is afraid of include; buttons, clowns, butterflies, strawberries, his own penis, Afrojack and the day people realise he’s a fraud.
