A man whose boss told him to “come in today or don’t bother coming in tomorrow” has misinterpreted his boss’s threats and started to celebrate having two days off.
Patrick Fitzgerald, known locally as a “serious slacker”, called in sick for the fifth time this month, leaving his boss with little choice but to give him the ultimatum.
“I don’t know what it is with this young lad,” claimed Patrick’s boss Barry Shields. “He’s always calling in sick, it’s not even on the normal days, like a Monday or Friday, it’s midweek, like today, so I don’t even think he’s hungover, I think he’s just lazy and a bit dumb probably.”
“He’s used pretty much every excuse in the book at this stage,” continued Mr Shields, owner of Sheff Shield, Sheffield’s thirty second largest security firm. “Today he told me that his granny died, it’s the third granny he’s gone through since he started working for me in February but apparently his mam’s parents were divorced and remarried so he has a few extra grandparent. Sounds like a likely story to me.”
“I had no choice but to tell him if he doesn’t come in he’s sacked so not to bother coming in tomorrow but the stupid little prick didn’t get it, he just thanked me and said he’d see me on Friday.”
According to Patrick, Mr Shields is the “soundest boss ever” and he hopes to work for Sheff Shields for years to come.
“He’s dead sound that Shieldsy,” commented Patrick. “He’s a bit daft though, he believes everything I tell him. I called in sick this morning and he told me I could have tomorrow off too. Good job I got a bag of weed last night, I’m perfectly set up for a bit of a FIFA marathon on my Playstation now. I love my job.”
According to a former employer of Mr Fitzgerald, the young man is one of the worst employees they have ever dealt with and should look for employment in the civil service as “they’re the only people who can get away with that sort of carry on”.
