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July 4, 2016
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Parent Of Boy Who Took His First Pill Expect Him To Transform Into Crack-Head Any Day Now

The parents of a boy who took his first ecstasy tablet expect his full transformation into a crack-head to happen any day now.

Geoff and Denise Herbert of Oxford, England, have gone public over their worries about nineteen year old son Jonathan, stating they are “extremely panicked” about the path “little Johnny” is taking.

“We can’t believe our boy would act so irresponsibly,” moaned Geoff. “Everybody knows drug addiction is life ruining. This pill will lead to Johnny dropping out of university and turning to theft to fund his habit. By Christmas he will be living in a crack-den and clucking for his next hit. We done everything we could to teach him right from wrong and for what? So he can become a drug mule.”

“I’ve told him he’ll end up like those two girls who were caught in Peru if he carries on down this slippery slope to hell. I’ve warned him to stay away from his grandmother as you always hear stories about addicts stealing from the old and vulnerable. He’s no longer invited to afternoon tea for her eightieth birthday.”

Denise was too distraught to comment.

Wunderground managed to speak to Jonathan following the drug ordeal, “I went to Glastonbury and took a pill whilst watching Underworld and I’m still buzzing off it now. Have you got any ket to share?”

Nathon Woodhead

Nathon Woodhead

Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.

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