A man who boasted that he could find drugs in any city in the world has remarkably bought a bag of cocaine in the Vatican.
Andrew Burrows, a thirty year old tourist, shocked his travel companions after returning to their group with a bag of “proper coke” after just thirty minutes of searching.
“Andy always says he can find drugs in just about any city in the world, to be fair to him, he’s pretty much always been able to do it but I thought this place would be the city that finally beat him,” explained friend Steven Burke. “I knew he wouldn’t come back empty handed but I thought the best he’d be able to manage around here was a bit of altar wine nicked out of one of the chapels.”
“We were queueing to get into the Sistine Chapel and he just said ‘fuck this I’m off to get some supplies’ and he just strolled off in a random direction,” continued Burke. “We were having a good laugh at him, thinking there was no chance that he’d find anything in this place, and then, about a half an hour later, he came walking back with a big stupid grin on his face. We hadn’t even made it to the top of the queue yet, that’s how quick he was.”
Wunderground also spoke to Mr Burrows, “I don’t know what it is yeah, but I can find drugs anywhere in the world. Honestly, you give me a city, a couple of €50 notes and I’ll give you some drugs. It might be weed, it might be coke, it might be ket, it might be speed, it could be fucking anything mate but if it’s there I’ll find it.”
“I just look for the dodgiest blokes and when I see them, this kind of eternal alarm goes off inside me and I just know their carrying,” continued Burrows. “My father had it, his father probably had it too and I’d imagine all the other fathers before that had it and all. It worked out pretty well this time because the coke we got was really nice, certainly made our trip around that boring shit hole a bit more exciting anyway.”
According to witnesses, the tour they took around the Sistine Chapel yesterday afternoon was ruined, after a group of “loud and obnoxious Brits” wouldn’t stop talking and asking the tour guide “stupid and pointless questions”.
