The number of females slipping in mud at festivals is reportedly up by over sixty percent this year because “bitches be trippin’”.
The latest statistics revealed that approximately twenty five thousand females have slipped in mud at festivals in the UK alone this year.
“Well, anyone who’s been to a festival this year will surely have noticed the amount of girls falling on their arses and faces,” explained statistician Ian Fox. “It’s got nothing to do with the extra shitty weather we’ve been having either, it’s completely down to the fact that bitches be trippin’.”
“The level of trippin’ has been growing steadily among the bitch population in recent years and every year we see a significant increase in the number of females having trouble staying on their feet,” claimed Fox. “It’s not just at festivals, we’ve noticed it in nightclubs, fashion runways and anywhere with a large contingent of bitches.”
“The slippery surface of mud at a festival simply heightens the levels of trippin’ and makes them a more likely place to see females falling over,” he continued. “This year, we’ve seen a far bigger jump in these incidents than any other year. Bitches now be trippin’ in mud at festivals with the same frequency as bitches be trippin’ on ski slopes. At this rate we’ll be lucky if there’s any females left standing up at all.”
Meanwhile, Azealia Banks has somehow managed to stay on her feet for so far this summer, experts claim that this is because she is a “cunt not a bitch”.
