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July 18, 2016
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Man Who Uploaded 7 Kilometer Run To Facebook A Bit “Fucked Off” It Got Zero Likes

Jogging

A man who uploaded his seven kilometer run to Facebook is believed to be a bit “fucked off” that his post failed to receive a single like.

Thirty five year old Darren Trayler, from Stoke, England, has referred to his contacts on “Fakebook” as “a bunch of self-centered cunts” and threatened to delete his account if nobody can be bothered to do the simple task of congratulating him on his efforts.

“Bunch of wankers, the lot of ‘em,” moaned Darren. “The amount of pointless conversations I see on Facebook about babies, nights out, politics and Pokemon; yet not one single person can say well done to me after I achieved my personal best? Bang out of line that. How hard is it to click on a little thumb image? For fuck sake, it is morale building, help me out will ya?”

Having been dumped six months ago, it is believed that Darren is currently attempting to reinvent himself as a health conscious fitness fanatic, often posting photos of his healthy meals as well as updating his status every time he goes to and returns from the gym. A far cry from the beer guzzling, kebab eating, coke sniffing beast that scared off the one person who loved him.

“I want my friends to know how well I am doing and how much better off I am without Wendy in my life,” continued Darren. “I live for broccoli and adore my NutriBullet as if it were my first born child. If that fucking bitch thinks she can do better than me she has got another thing coming. By summer 2017 I will be ripped to fuck. Six pack, boulder shoulders, guns, and the biggest chest in the West – she will be begging for me back.”

Nathon Woodhead

Nathon Woodhead

Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.

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