It has been revealed that the popular children’s nursery rhyme stars Jack and Jill actually went up a hill to buy some crystal meth, not to fetch a pail of water as had been previously reported.
According to reports, the couple’s drug dealer lives at the summit of a large hill, known locally as meth mountain.
“We’re always going up and down that poxy hill to score meth,” revealed Jack during a chat with Wunderground. “You’d think, in this day and age, that a dealer would want to live somewhere on flat ground, most addicts wouldn’t have the energy to make it up that hill, especially not when they’re in need of a fix, me and Jill are lucky, we’re still young but if someone else came along with nice meth, available somewhere that I didn’t have to walk up a hill, I’d just as soon buy it off them.”
“I’ve been going up there everyday to collect drugs for the past twenty years. I carry this bucket so people think I’m going to get water, you know to protect my squeaky clean image, but the truth is I drink Special Brew and I don’t even know what a pail is,” admitted Jack, who looked a bit like Hansel, from Hansel and Gretel, if he’d grown up on a housing estate in Glasgow.
Reports that Jack fell down the hill proved to be false after he admitted that he was actually assaulted by Jill the previous day.
“It wasn’t a fall that broke my crown at all, that bitch Jill smacked me over the head with a bottle, she always gets violent when she’s tweaking,” explained the meth head. “She took a bit of a tumble after that, if you know I mean, she’s at home with two black eyes so she won’t be able to come up the hill with me today, I couldn’t let her leave the flat looking like that, it would be damaging for the nursery rhyme community.”
