A man who claims to be the son of god has miraculously split five pills between five thousand people.
Jay Zeus, a thirty three year old carpenter, is reported to have “saved an entire festival” after a drug shortage threatened to ruin the vibe.
“It was really amazing,” claimed fellow festival attendee Mary “Mags” Magdeline. “We had been looking for pills for hours but nobody had anything, then, out of nowhere, that guy Jay showed up with five pink hearts and sorted everyone out. I’m not sure how he managed it but he did.”
According to reports, Mr Zeus charged each person £1 for their share of the pill, making approximately twenty thousand percent profit in the process.
“Religion has changed these days,” claimed Mr Zeus during a catch up with Wunderground. “It used to be about absolving people of their sins but we let the Romans in on it and they kind of fucked things up.”
“It’s all business nowadays, and quite a profitable business at that,” continued the charismatic savior. “I’m not really here to save people this time around, I’ve got more of an exploitation and fear mongering role now. You humans are pretty easy to manipulate, like the time I made five grand from five pills, it’s easy to turn a profit when you’re a miracle worker.”
According to witnesses, other miracles carried out by Mr Zeus include; turning wine into piss and making a man in a K hole walk.
