It has been reported that a raver who was caught sniffing ketamine by club security has taken fourteen hours to leave the club.
Twenty eight year old Steve Oakley, from Manchester, England, is said to have been getting “buckwild on the K-train” when the unfortunate incident took place.
“If I’m honest, I don’t remember any of it,” Steve told us. “I was getting right into the sickest deep tech that Mind Against were playing when, all of a sudden, I felt a firm hand on my shoulder. I thought it was God reaching down from heaven wanting a bump of my divine product, but I can’t confirm that. I don’t know what went on but I can tell you it was magical.”
Wunderground caught up with the bouncer responsible for throwing Steve out of the rave, “That bloke was a fucking pain,” laughed Big Jon. “When I grabbed him, he didn’t even flinch. I asked him what he thought he was doing with drugs in my club, and the cunt just looked right through me. Initially I thought he was showing off, but then he started to drool a little bit. He looked like the walking dead.”
“I told him to get out and he just stood lifeless, planted to the spot. Eventually I ushered him along but it was like watching a newborn foal try and walk for the first time,” continued the bouncer. “His legs couldn’t support him; he staggered, stopped, looked around and basically went to sleep on the spot for about seven hours. The whole thing was in fucking slow motion.”
“I caught him on the gear at about one a.m and he still hadn’t made it to the exit by five o’clock Sunday afternoon. Even the cleaners had a good laugh at him. Next time I see someone getting on it I’m just going to leave them to it or risk ten hours of overtime trying to get them to fuck off.”
“Best night of my life,” concluded Steve. “Just floating towards the exit for an eternity. It was a beautiful, spiritual experience. I can’t wait to do it again next week.”
