An Englishman has admitted that he only takes pills as an excuse for having a tiny cock.
Peter Weacock, better known as Peewee Cock, admitted that he takes “up to twelve” pills every weekend in a bid to fool people into thinking that his tiny cock is a result of the side effects of MDMA and not a cruel twist of fate sprung upon him by mother nature.
“I’ve got what the medical community refer to as micropenis,” explained Mr Weacock earlier today. “I’ve always tried to hide my mcropenis from my friends and a couple of years ago I was reading a really interesting article about the side effects of MDMA when I realised that taking lots of pills could be the perfect excuse for having a way smaller than average penis.”
“I wasn’t really into drugs or house music so devoting myself to being a total ‘pill head’ was a really big commitment for me,” continued Weacock. “Luckily the drugs and the music have really grown on me so it’s been much easier than I was expecting and it’s done wonders for my confidence.”
“Before I wouldn’t have been able to piss at a urinal without having the ‘on the pills mate’ excuse for any nosy neighbours,” continued Weacock. “And there’s no chance I’d have been able to pull any women without being able to claim that my penis ‘isn’t normally that small, it’s just shriveled from pills’. I’m like a new man these days and I’ve lost over two stone since I started it too, it’s improved my life no ends.”
According to James Smith, a close friend of Mr Weacock’s, everyone knows the truth behind Peter’s ecstasy abuse.
“Of course we know Peewee’s got a micropenis,” insisted Smith. “Everyone does, the poor sod gets so off his tits every weekend that he’ll have a heart to heart with anyone who’ll listen and the topic of choice is always his tiny todger. Honestly, I don’t think anyone really cares. It’s no big deal, no pun intended.”
