According to reports, over twelve million Daft Punk fans have “shit their pant” in the last twenty four hours after the French house duo released a series of cryptic messages suggesting they could tour next year.
Daft Punk’s Live and Alive tours were held in 1997 and 2007 respectively, making 2017 a very viable option for their next tour.
The appearance of an Alive2017 website was all too much for a large number of Daft Punk fans causing them to involuntarily empty their bowels the moment they saw it.
“I shit my pants and I don’t even care,” claimed thirty four year old Daft Punk fan Dan Jenkins, who was wearing a black bin bag that he had improvised into a pair of trousers. “I’ve seen them twice before and if the rumours are true I’ll definitely be completing the hat trick, that’s definitely worth shitting my pants for.”
According to Sally Walsh, a music student in Paris, her classes were cancelled after twelve students simultaneously shit themselves.
“It was horrible,” claimed Sally. “I’ve never smelled anything like it in my life. And the noise, have you ever heard twelve people soiling themselves at the same time? It’s fucking disgusting, they’ve had to close the whole university to have the place fumigated. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to face the place again.”
According to the International Association of Seismic Activity, a small tremor, registering one point six on the Richter scale and felt all over the world, was likely caused by upwards of eight million people shitting their pants at the exact moment the Alive2017 website went live.
