A festival goer who spent the weekend wearing tiger paint and roaring at innocent punters, who were wonking about trying to have fun on a bit too much ket, has been sensationally exposed by work colleagues as “actually rather tame”.
Pete Stackhouse, who works alongside the lady in question (who cannot be named for legal reasons) at a call centre in Reigate, had this to say on the behaviour in question, “Yeah that K***** is nothing but a fraud. This whole wild tiger thing is total bollocks. She spends the whole week ringing people about miss-sold PPI insurance then goes home to quietly eat chicken kievs and watch Dalziel & Pascoe repeats on ITV3,” explained Mr Stackhouse.
“All of a sudden she listens to one Stormzy tune on Nick Grimshaw’s unbearable breakfast show, buys a ticket to Lovebox and thinks she’s some sort of eccentric creative gone wild, when really all she’s done is pay a tenner for a shit Bulmers and let someone with half a GCSE in art fuck up her makeup for twenty quid.”
“Whilst we’re on the subject, fuck Nick Grimshaw too. He looks like someone dressed a Cheesestring up as a Thunderbird and left it next to a space heater for forty-five minutes. Shiny faced, feckless shithouse.” Mr Stackhouse continued to rant.
“I mean, it wouldn’t normally bother me; if you want to go out and act ‘MENTAL’ on the weekend and hold it down during the week fair play. But, this is literally a woman who marks a water line on her milk in the office fridge and puts Post-it notes on her patisseries before teabreak.”
“If she’s so ‘wild’ why the fuck was she in work fifteen minutes early on Monday morning with a Chai latte talking about Sunday night’s episode of Poldark? Wild my arse, it’s all total bollocks.”
