An outspoken, overbearing Vegan has decided to change her Christian name to “Vegan”, claiming it will save her “serious” amounts of time on introductions in the future.
Formerly known as “Claire”, thirty one year old Vegan insists the name change will benefit her life in the long run and make people respect her a lot more, earmarking work, love and relationships as the key areas she expects to “vastly improve” in the immediate future.
“It was a no brainer to change my name,” confirmed Vegan. “For so long I have been introducing myself as Claire and then immediately telling people I’m Vegan before they’ve had the chance to ask. Now I can do it in one, swift, sharp hit, like a sledge-hammer through their skull.”
“There will be no more long intro’s of ‘Hi, I’m Claire, I’m a Vegan’. Now it’s straight in ‘Hi, I’m Vegan’. It’s just so hard hitting and brilliant. It’s either that or I simply say it twice over, “Hi, I’m Vegan, I’m a Vegan’. Brilliant, don’t you agree?”
Wunderground asked if the name change will confuse any current friends, family or loved ones, “I don’t have any” replied an assertive Vegan. “Over the years, many people have detached themselves from me, claiming I only ever speak about one thing and that I have become boring, predictable and obsessive. Personally I think it is my choice if I want to be a Vegan, talk about being Vegan, change my name to Vegan and name my first child Vegan. It sends a strong message to society.”
“I also recommend anybody else living a passionate lifestyle should change their name to suit their needs,” continued Vegan. “It would do wonders in sharpening up introductions for a girl I work with called Jane, if she decided to change her name to ‘Afeminist’. I also think Jacob in the accounts department should consider changing his name to ‘AgainstBrexit’.”
