A new study released by the narcotics research department of the NHS has shown that, across the UK, people who regularly snort cocaine often spend ninety percent of their intoxicated hours talking about cocaine.
According to an NHS spokesperson, this phenomena usually begins before the night out. All day mates will text each other to discuss how much cocaine will be needed for their “massive night of partying” and coordinating the logistics of purchasing it.
“After a line or two in a someone’s flat, departure for the nightclub will be delayed by an hour, and in some extreme cases up to four hours, to decide who will be responsible for carrying the drugs and rationing them out to the group once inside,” said the NHS employee. “Although, this careful planning is usually abandoned once the group are out ‘slamming pints’ and chatting up girls.”
“They’ll break each conversation with a potential shag twice, on average, to seek out a bump of cocaine,” explained the spokesperson. “This is followed by a five to fifteen minute discussion of how much each young man has snorted, and how much more he should be allotted. It then ends with an additional two to five minutes negotiating whether the girl can also have some of the diminishing cocaine, usually hinging on how likely she is to sleep with a member of the group.”
“After not going home with any girls, the lads will get cheesy chips and trade anecdotes from previous nights spent doing cocaine,” continued the Wunderground source. “An incredible ninety five percent of stories begin with ‘this one night, remember, we had done so much cocaine’. This is normally followed by the only exciting detail that will distinguish that night, which also involved four to eight hours of cocaine related discussion.”
“Eventually the mates begin to come down and decide to call it a night. In every case studied the friends will affirm how excited they are to ‘get some coke and do this all again next weekend’ as they part ways.”
