A clairvoyant residing in Berlin has predicted Richie Hawtin will return to earth as a bottle of Japanese beer in his next life.
Twenty nine year old Angelica Porto-De Souza, who is also a summertime ticket seller and market stall worker in Ibiza, has predicted Hawtin will continue to live a “happy and prosperous life”, in his current form, for many years to come but will eventually turn into an “overpriced alcoholic beverage” on his next life cycle.
“I have foreseen it,” she confirmed. “Richie will be extremely pretentious but very tasty. He will be created as a dumpy bottle and cost around twenty English pounds. So that’s around twenty five Japanese Yen. Ibiza will stock it and it will be around one hundred euros for a shot and only sold to people with a tattoo dedicated to the life and works of Richie. Don’t ask me why I know this, it’s simply a gift I have.”
Wunderground managed to speak with Richie regarding Angelica’s claims, “I’m already working on a new life concept which will allow me to drink the alcoholic format of myself,” he told us. “I have spoken with a religious fanatic, a scientist and a number of legal people who all think they can keep my spirit alive in a vessel, most likely a dead animal, and allow the animal version of me to drink the reincarnated beer version of myself.”
“If it works, there will be no end to the possibilities of what we could do,” continued an obviously delighted Richie. “We could have a world of Richie Hawtins, in all types of products. Food, drink, home wear, public transport, buildings, you name it. I could live in a fully contained life size, eating and drinking versions of me, whilst living in a house which is also me, driving a car which is actually me, and stroking my cat which is again, actually a furry little me. What a wonderful, futuristic, forward-thinking, concept. I aim to roll this out next summer.”
