A twenty two year old telesales rep working for B&Q is said to be on the verge of receiving a “shit load” of commission after taking a monstrous order of twenty five million bricks, bags of cement and trowels, from an anonymous American customer.
Josh Holmes, from Surrey, England, in believed to be “ecstatic” with the order, placed by a “hyped up ranting American”, believing he can now “put his feet up” for the rest of the week, whilst his colleagues struggle to hit the “unrealistic” weekly sales targets set by head office.
“I thought it was a wind up at first,” laughed Josh. “There was some really excited yank on the phone telling me he needs twenty five million bricks delivered to Phoenix, Arizona, and San Antonio, Texas, as soon as possible. He seemed really pumped. Without taking a second, he offered up his credit card details and the transaction went through. He didn’t even pester me for trade discount or anything.”
“I’m made up this fella called us instead of those cunts at Travis Perkins, they’re always trying to undercut our prices,” continued Josh. “Doing the maths on twenty five million bricks at forty six pence a pop, I reckon I might be able to go on holiday for Christmas. I might pop over to the States and meet this bloke, who is now my biggest account by a mile. I wonder what type of company he owns and if there’ll be any further orders?”
Wunderground spoke with Josh’s team leader, Diane, with regards to the sale, “I’d love to see the faces of those wankers at Selco, BuildBase and Keyline,” she told us. “They will be sick when they see this order. I hope I have an opportunity to thank this American gentleman who has put us on course for our best trading year to date, I bet he’s a lovely chap.”
