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November 14, 2016
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Man Attempting “Little Corner” Of Coke Spilling Most Of It Down Himself

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A man who attempted to do a “little corner” of coke before entering a nightclub has spilled most of it down himself, it has been revealed.

Twenty one year old Todd Lucas, from Birmingham, England, who was on his way to PRYZM with the “lads”, is said to have felt “a bit boozy”, so decided to have a “livener”, opting to shovel a “generous” amount of coke up his nose via his Visa card, only for most of it to go down his Ralph Lauren polo shirt.

“Total fiasco,” moaned Todd. “All I wanted to do was get a bit of yayo up my hooter before I got in the queue, but it went everywhere except up my nose. That bag was fifties as well. I literally watched a tenner’s worth go all over me. Ruined my fucking night.”

Wundergound managed to speak with David Smith, a friend of Todd’s who witnessed the tragedy, “How many times does that boy need to be told to stop being a greedy cunt?” he asked us. “We had a big line right before we left O’Neills so I don’t know why he felt the need to have more about three seconds later. You watch, he will get it out again in the queue and be so paranoid about the bouncers seeing that he’ll spill a load more.”

It has been confirmed that Todd was declined entry into PRYZM when the door staff found cocaine in his hair, on his eyelash, on his earlobe, on his chin, on his shoulder, on his top and on his jeans, with the head bouncer asking if it had been “raining charlie” where he came from.

Nathon Woodhead

Nathon Woodhead

Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.

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