Commuters are today facing another day of travel delays as Weston-Super-Mare braces itself for further travel chaos with an unprecedented number of London based hipsters scrambling to make it to Banksy’s Dismaland theme park.
Yesterday, reports of chaotic scenes emerged, as scores of vintage clothed twentysomethings swarmed platforms, desperately trying to get on the next train in the search of bold works of art with an anticonsumerism message.
Lotty Thompson, 23, an organic, glutenfree, fairtrade brownie producer and fashion blogger from Islington, told Wunderground News that the only time she had seen scenes
quite like yesterday’s was at last years preChristmas vintage kilo sale in Brick Lane. While TFL worker, John Sherlock, explained that a contributing factor to yesterday’s manic scenes was the notably high number of commuters wearing oversized headphones, playing loud synth pop music, as this phenomenon rendered the station’s intercom system, usually relied upon for crowd control as largely ineffective.
Amid yesterday’s scenes of chaos, overstretched teams of paramedics were seen handing out jamjars of kale juice and packs of goji berries to debilitated hipsters.
Dr. Nina Marten of King’s College Hospital explained that whilethe majority of recorded casualties were commuters thought to be suffering from heat exhaustion, from travelling on overcrowded trains, a small number of passengers were hospitalised due to loss of circulation in the legs, a neurological complication that can be found in the wearers of particularly skinny jeans.
A TFL spokesperson today advised that the service were working on a contingency plan to deal with the issue. Rita Rigburst told Wunderground News, that some extra 150 eco friendly buses were currently being spray painted by local artists in an array of floral patterns, in an attempt to deal with high demands and that from noon today, a Fixie park ’n’ ride system will be in operation form Dalston Junction.
Meanwhile in WestonSuperMare, the local area is struggling to cope with the steady influx of Hipsters since Thursday’s opening. Local Councillor, Ted Taylor, advised that the seaside town’s first shipment of quinoa had arrived this morning and so local eateries are feeling better prepared for the weekend ahead. Some locals however are less than optimistic. Many have turned to social media to vent their frustrations at having to make alternative travel arrangements for the third day, rather than trying to explain to young children why busses and trains are over run with real grown ups with handlebar moustaches and blue and pink hair.
At the time of going to press, Banksy was unavailable for comment as he is currently manning the till at the Dismaland gift shop through which all theme park patrons must make their exit.
