An American family planning association has put forward a proposal for “fingering zones” at EDM events in an attempt to cut the number of unplanned pregnancies happening at the popular teenage destinations.
The proposal would see a two hundred and fifty square meter space allocated to fingering at all EDM events in 2016.
“At the moment we’ve got quite a lot of unprotected sex happening at EDM events,” explained family planning spokesperson Chastity Hoop. “So we’re hoping that by dedicating an area of the festival to fingering we can help reduce the number of incidents of unprotected sex, thus helping to keep the number of unwanted pregnancies down.”
“We want to give the kids somewhere they can go and finger blast one another in a safe and supervised environment,” continued Mrs. Hoop. “The area will be split into a number of individual fingering booths and we’ll operate a strict trousers on fingering only and undershirt tit action policy.”
“We’ll also be offering a range of sanitary products to ensure that everyone gets the most out of their time in the fingering zone,” added Chastity. “They’ll include rubber gloves, hand sanitiser, antiseptic wipes and fragranced garbaged bags. At the end of the day all it is is a bit off good old fashioned clean fun.”
Reports from the music industry suggest that R n’ B cheesball R Kelly has volunteered his services to act as a “performer, security guard, supervisor or pretty much anything that will get him into the fingering zones” at EDM events next year.
