A girl who was told to go away and sober up for twenty minutes when attempting to gain access to a nightclub is hoping the bouncer who instructed her has had a change of heart after she failed to even slightly sober up in the allotted time.
Karen McGuinness, a twenty two year old hairdresser from Glasgow, Scotland, was told to go and “get a coffee or something” and return to the club twenty minutes later. However, it is believed the young woman instead opted to have a vodka and Red Bull in a nearby bar.
“That bouncer’s a daft cunt,” a clearly drunk McGuinness scoffed. “There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m not even drunk. Alls I’ve had is about six voddies and a bottle of Buckie. That does fuck all to me, he let Alison straight in and that bitch is pisshed, I’d be more worried about her shitting in the corner if I was him, she’s done it before.”
“He told me to go get a coffee or something but to fuck with that, coffee’s for people who work in banks, not young divas like me, I went and got another voddie instead, the Red Bull will perk me up nicely and, just incase, I got some wee lad in the queue for the toilets to give me a bumb of coke too. You can stick your coffee up your arse, Red Bull and coke are way better.”
“Hopefully, the stupid little twat will have wised up a bit by now, I’m not anymore sober than I was twenty minutes ago but, I’ll tell you opne thing, there’s no way I’m not going into that poxy club,” insisted McGuinness. “He’ll either let me in or I’ll let myself in, either way I’ll be seeing that Calvin Harris tribute act tonight.
However, onlookers have strongly disagreed with Ms McGuinness opinion on her levels of sobriety, with some even claiming she may be “the drunkest woman in Glasgow”, which is quite a statement.
“Sober, are you having a laugh? She was absolutely steaming,” claimed one witness. “I’ve seen a few drunk birds in my time but this one was next level, when I was leaving she was starting a fight with a homeless bloke because he wouldn’t leave her an end on his fag. In the end, he just gave it to her to get rid of her.”
