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May 2, 2018
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Barbers Now Only Learning One Haircut

The latest news from the world of hairdressing suggests that barbers are now only learning how to do one haircut while learning their trade.

According to sources within the barbering industry, learning to do a “half decent skin fade and beard trim” is now considered “more than enough” to qualify trainees as professional barbers.

“If you can do a decent fade, you can pretty much do anything when it comes to barbering,” our source told us. “Anything beyond that, you can just wing it. Barbering has gotten a whole lot easier the last few years because every single bloke is either bald or has the same haircut.

“It’s not like it used to be when there were three or four haircuts you really had to know, now it’s literally just a skin fade and trim on top. Piece of piss,” continued the source who was sporting an extremely neat skin fade himself. “The only party of barbering that’s challenging these days are the beards.”

“And not because they’re hard to cut either, because they’re fucking disgusting,” he said. “Have you ever seen some of the shit that gets stuck in a beard the course of a day? I’m not going to lie, it’s fucking rotten. Have you ever seen the filter in the bottom of a dishwasher, well it’s like one of them, but with pubes. I dread anyone coming into my shop with a beard, I haven’t cut one in years, that’s what apprentices are for.”

Barry Stevens, the proud owner of skin fade and beard, claims that it is hard to find a barber capable of taking proper care of his beard.

“I can’t find a good barber anywhere,” he said earlier. “They can all do my hair fine but one it gets to the beard they just can’t get it right and instead of telling them I don’t like it I’ll just say ‘yeah, that’s brilliant mate’ and never go back. I’m running out of new barbers to go.”

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