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August 15, 2013
1 min read

Italian Man Missing Since Glastonbury 2011 Found Wandering The English Countryside

An Italian man was last night reunited with his family after over two years wandering the English countryside.

Fabio Ballcereti, 21, was reported missing in July 2011. He was last seen attending a Nick Warren set at Glastonbury‘s Glade stage. It is believed that Ballcerti, an English student, living in London, was separated from his friends after accidentally eating nearly fifty grams of Hawaiian mushrooms.

“One minute he was there and the next he was gone,” explained Anna Gonzales, a close friend of Mr. Ballcereti, “at first we thought it was funny because we knew he was tripping hard. We thought he would just show up back at the tent later that night, the Glade is in the middle of the forest so we presumed he was just climbing trees or annoying people but he never came back,” sobbed the teary eyed girl.

After the festival, Avon & Somerset Constabulary launched a full scale missing person inquiry. However, possible sightings in London and Cornwall allowed Mr. Ballcereti’s trail to grow cold.

Mr. Ballcereti spent the next two years wandering the Somerset countryside surviving on nothing but berries, fruits, nuts, McDonalds, Greg’s and Starbucks. Police say he is, “healthy but he could do with a haircut and a shave.”

Mr. Ballcereti explained his ordeal, “The last thing I remember was having a mushroom, egg and sausage sandwich. After that it seemed like I traveled to some other dimension, I thought I was dead or abducted by aliens,” he explained emotionally.

“Then I woke up at Stonehenge covered in snow, I was very confused, paranoid and disorientated. The English countryside is so vast, you can literally go for hours without seeing a Starbucks! Then one day I started to remember things, I was a person, my name is Fabio, I like music, it all came back to me. I found the nearest policeman and now here I am. Thank God for the McDonalds’ saver menu and Greg’s sausage rolls or I would have run out of money a long time ago,” said a smiling Mr. Ballcereti.

 

Graham

Graham

15,206 Comments Leave a Reply

  1. Not the best article. I mean it’s not satire. It’s not really ripping the piss out of some establishment or culture, it’s just a made up story that’s not really fantastic to begin with.

  2. Wow what a great story. The lack of detail the eating 50 grams part is a topper. Try to even eat 50 grams of cooked, non psilocybin mushrooms. It is not even funny if it is a stab to be “onion” like. You discredit this site for sure with de mierda like this. What a mental fucking midget. Laters for ever Wunderground. buy an editor.

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