Leaked news from the Pentagon has revealed that U.S. President Barack Obama is planing to unleash a new secret weapon on Syria.
Surprisingly, the secret weapon for the mission is Puerto Rico born DJ Sneak. The top secret operation, code-named Sneak Attack, will see the 43 year old DJ parachute into Damascus, where it is hoped he will start a Twitter feud so powerful that it will be capable of toppling the Assad regime.
A source within the Pentagon talked about the proposed attack, “What we are looking at here is a brand new concept in modern military technique. While everyone else is concentrating on weapons of mass destruction and chemical weapons we’ve been looking at new ways to harness the power of the people. It’s social warfare,” explained the dress wearing whistleblower.
“Social media is now so powerful that we believe with the right direction it is capable of taking down entire governments. We’ve been keeping a close eye on Twitter lately and we believe that with DJ Sneak we have found someone who is both ballsey and obnoxious enough to be able to bring these theories to fruition. The fact that he’s such a bad ass gangster also helps,” he said while fixing his makeup.
“The whole Joris Voorn incident last week was totally engineered by us, we wanted to see what kind of reaction it would inspire amongst the public. We were totally blown away by the power of his tweets. Over four million people directly responded, with nearly 40% of those people making death threats. If we can achieve results similar to that in Syria we are confident that we can sway public opinion far enough to overthrow Assad’s regime,” he continued while tucking his penis into a mangina.
Carlos Sosa (DJ Sneak) has not responded to the whistleblower’s comments. It is believed that he is in isolation at a top secret military base deep in the Nevada Desert where he is being briefed on his mission. It is also understood that he will undergo a complete Team America style valmorification before being unleashed on the Syrian public.
