Dave Seaman: ‘My Years Of Anguish From Being Compared To Former Arsenal Goalkeeper’

English DJ and producer, Dave Seaman, has today spoken for the first time about the years of anguish he suffered as a result of constant comparisons between himself and former England and Arsenal goalkeeper Dave Seaman.

The pair, considered two of Yorkshire’s most notable men of the late twentieth century, were destined to clash from early on in their respective careers, DJ Dave explains, “Well first off I’m a massive Leeds fan, not a lot of people know this but goalie Dave actually started off playing as a schoolboy for Leeds. Do you know what I would have given for that opportunity? As soon as I heard of another Dave Seaman playing for Leeds I knew I had a nemesis but I never could of imagined how big an impact he would have on my life.”

“Obviously as a kid I got a bit of abuse about my name, I mean you expect that when your name’s Seaman but I always thought I’d reach a certain age where people would get over it,” explained Dave. “But thanks to that wannabe Cockney I’ve had it my whole life. As soon as the jizz jokes finished the goalkeeper jokes started, it’s been very stressful for me,” admitted the veteran DJ.

“Everywhere I go it’s the same, people shout stuff like, ‘Oii Seaman, where’s your pony tail?’ Look at me, do I look like I could have a pony tail? I might have wanted one but I can’t grow it, yet that long haired ninny’s been walking around like Shergar with his flowing locks and Tom Selleck mustache for years. That really hurts man,” he continued vulnerably.

“It has affected so many different aspects of my life. I can’t even wear a pair of gloves in the winter,” explained Mr. Seaman, “If I do then young lads on the street constantly kick footballs at me, you wouldn’t believe the amount of chilblains I’ve had to put up with,” he continued. “You try mixing with chilblains, I’ve actually had to give up gigs because my fingers have been so sore.”

“I thought that when old horse head retired it would end but I’ve had no such luck. Just last week when I was DJing in Leeds some idiot shouted, ‘You really should have saved that free kick from Ronaldinihio at the World Cup butter fingers!’ In my home town, it’s never going to stop,” he continued with realisation.

“I bet no one ever shouted, ‘Hey Seaman that Global Underground album was rubbish,’ from the Kop or ‘Seaman you should have gone more progressive on that last Renaissance Master Series,’ from the Stretford End. So why do they constantly say it to me?” asked the bemused DJ. “I hope now that I’ve told people how much it has affected me over the years that they’ll let the sleeping horse lie and stop with all the stupid references,” he said hopefully.