Nina Kraviz Has Beard Surgically Grafted Onto Her Face In Bid To Achieve Gender Equality

Russian DJ, Nina Kraviz, who was recently at the heart of a controversy in which her credentials as a DJ were doubted because she was photographed having a bath, has had a beard surgically grafted to her chin.

“A lot of people think I’m crazy,” explained Nina. “But I’ve just been so sick of people doubting me because I’m a woman, and therefore can’t grow a penis, so I thought a beard would be the quickest way to assert my masculinity. What’s more manly than a nice thick beard?”

“I was having a bubble bath and using the suds to make a beard when the thought hit me that I wouldn’t be doubted as a musician if I was a man, like Maceo Plex or Lady Gaga,” explained Nina. “So I tried a few techniques to grow a beard naturally such as not shaving, wishing really hard and washing my face with my own piss, but nothing seemed to work.”

Maceo Plex is said to be delighted that Nina has had the beard grafted to her face. “I think she’s doing the right thing,” said Maceo. “I’ve got so much respect for her pushing the scene forward using nothing but her beard.”

Nina suggested that she also intends to start behaving more like a man so that her talent is never doubted again. “I’ve been practising manly qualities like pissing standing up, picking boxer shorts out of my arse crack and not having periods,” claimed Nina. “It’s worked great, people have been calling me ‘brah’ and talking to me about football like a man.”

The DJ hopes that because she now has a beard that her peers will take her seriously and not think that her looks are more important than her skills. “My looks were getting in the way of my talent as a DJ but thankfully with this beard I look a bit silly and a lot less sexy,” concluded Nina. “So rather than spending their time staring at me with their mouths thinking ‘she’s super sexy’, they’re looking at the beard and thinking ‘while she’s still sexy, the beard’s a bit off-putting, maybe I’ll just listen to her music instead.’ It’s great, and it’s all thanks to the beard.”