Economists from the Capital Research Analysis Program or CRAP have today released figures which show that EDM is now one of the fastest growing and most profitable industries in the North American marketplace.
CRAP’s chief economist, Jacob Goldman, spoke of the recent findings, “The EDM industry is now worth over twenty billion dollars a year, obviously there are much, much, bigger industries out there but when we compare the input to the profit margins, we’re clearly looking at one of the most attractive and profitable businesses available at the moment.”
“There are complicated mathematical equations used to calculate these things but to keep it simple, when the input or cost of production is less than five percent of the total profits, we get what are known in the industry as idiot dollars,” continued the economist. “Obviously idiot dollars are very highly sought after, they make up over twenty five percent of the country’s overall economy,” he explained.
“Idiot dollars don’t necessarily come from idiots, although it is a clear advantage when trying to sell a product that is obviously sub-standard, if the people you’re targeting have a lower than average intelligence,” commented Mr. Goldman. “And that’s why EDM has been so successful, all you need to do is listen to one minute of a Dada Life or DJ Blend track and it’s totally obvious that only an idiot would even consider them to be in any way musical. It may not be to everyone’s tastes but these guys are geniuses in their own right. Sick, evil, geniuses who prey on people of lesser intelligence then themselves for their own financial gain, just like politicians or phone-sex workers.”
CRAP’s latest statistics show that the EDM industry is now only behind organised religion, the arms industry and the fast food industry when it comes to the most effective way of relieving idiots of their hard earned dollars.
Swedish EDM superstar, Alesso, spoke about his feeling towards the growth in the industry, “Oh it’s great! There’s nothing better than making loads of money without having to work hard for it,” he commented. “I mean sure you feel bad sometimes, I’m not some uncaring robot like Steve Aoki, I did once have aspirations about becoming a credible musician, but it’s amazing how easy it is to forget about your dreams or the people your exploiting when you’re lying on a pile of cash. I certainly have no problem sleeping at night.”
“There’s nothing better than making loads of money without having to work hard for it,” YES!!!! alesso would SOOOOOOOOOOO say this. HOW on earth do you dumb ass alternative loving, life hating, close minded “hipster” fucks with your stupid ass daddy issues that cause you to want to be “different” have even the SLIGHTEST idea of how hard EDM artists work? Honestly, you sad sad sad people disgust me. This article is nothing but a bunch of bullshit put together by some fuck that hates EDM cause they’re too miserable and socially awkward to have fun. EDM is all about feeling and expression of that feeling through pure sound. There is no need for words; its excitement, fun, happiness, and love that this music is made with. if you don’t understand and appreciate that, IM SORRY, but it is not your place to go write bullshit articles about how “pointless and stupid” EDM is if you don’t even truly understand it. GO AHEAD, be miserable, but don’t bring that upon others who enjoy things for what they are.
sorry i just went HAM, but this article doesn’t make the slightest sense and is complete bullshit. how can you directly quote something that NO ONE even said. that’s kinda on psycho status. you need help.
It’s satire you retarded fuck.