Following the birth of their first child, North West, Kanye and Kim have announced plans to have three more children, East West, South West and of course, West West.
However those plans could be scuppered after Kanye learned from a documentary that there may be a complete polar shift in the near future. The rapper is currently in talks with top scientists about the possibility of his children’s names being made obsolete and out of fashion when the polar shift occurs.
Kanye and Kim have claimed that that eventuality would be “just unthinkable. If the child’s quirky name was no longer kitsch as a result of corresponding to the cardinal points then we’d probably have to consider having the child destroyed. It’d have no quality of life.”
“I know that with the earth’s magnetic field changing that there’s the possibility of catastrophic damage and loss of life,” Kanye warned. “But I’m going to try and concentrate on what’s really important to the planet – my kids’ names.”
Proposed plans to have the children live on opposite sides of the planet so as to retain their relationship with the original cardinal points have been sidelined due to impracticality. Kanye was reported to have said, “We’ll try anything at this stage. What happens when north becomes south? Do I change my kids’ names too? Will North West become South West? Is up then down?”
Plans to have a further three children were made after the birth of their first child affected the couple so deeply. Kanye watched the birth of his first child through gridded plastic lens-less shades and supposedly shed a particularly manly tear when he first saw North emerge from Kim safely. Doctors had feared the child could become lost in Kim’s ample ass cheeks but, through the power of song, Kanye managed to coax the child out. According to some sources, the song itself was a reworking of his track “Crack Music”.
“It was one of the most amazing experiences of my amazing life,” enthused Kanye. “I wasn’t really feeling it at the start and I almost didn’t let her finish. I turned to Kim and said ‘Look baby, I’ma let you finish, but we all know Beyonce had the best baby this year.’ Once Kim admitted that Bey did in fact have the best baby this year then we continued and it was magical.”
Kanye concluded by claiming that he would stop at nothing to prevent the polar shift from happening. “I’ve recruited so many of the hottest scientists working in the biz today. This project of stopping the earth from reversing on it’s axis’s is going to be seminal. I can’t wait to just get into the lab and make magic. Whatever happens there’s no way I’m not naming my next three children after the remaining cardinal points.”
When there all grown up they could form a boy band…..four directions…..