In what will surely be remembered as the biggest public relations gaffe of all time Afrojack has enlisted the help of Wes Mantooth and Vanilla Ice to speak in his defense after he was snubbed by Eminem during this year’s MTV European Music Awards.
Mantooth, a fictional character from the popular movie Anchorman, who is played by fictional Hollywood actor Vince Vaughan, who is in turn played by seventy five year old alcoholic Mike Stevens, was cast to star in a scripted news conference alongside has-been rap wash-out, Vanilla Ice. The pair were supposed to ‘big up’ the Dutch producer in a bid to limit the damage caused to his reputation after Eminem infamously answered ‘Who?’ when questioned about the DJ by fellow Anchorman star Will Ferrell in the guise of leading character, Ron Burgundy.
Wilfred Pieters, a member of Afrojack’s management team, explained the Hindenburg style PR crash, “It was supposed to be a funny video of a fake news conference. It should have been simple,” he claimed. “Nick (Afrojack) knew his reputation was damaged by what Eminem said, but he was hoping that if he made a joke of it then it’d fool people into believing that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. He figured if it worked then he could still come out of the whole thing smelling of roses, or at least smelling less like shit than he does right now,” he scoffed.
“Making decisions has never been Nick’s strong point. He once stood at a Burger King counter for forty five minutes being indecisive before having a panic attack and blowing his rape whistle. All the serving girl wanted to know was whether or not he wanted fries with his burger,” recounted a bemused Mr. Pieters. “But he should have known better than to choose an actor who is about as funny as a chili-coated, cock catheter and a crack smoking novelty rapper! It was destined to fail from the start. He just doesn’t listen, like the time I told him ‘don’t work with Paris Hilton’ or ‘crayons aren’t supposed to go up noses.'”
“So on the shooting day Mantooth obviously showed up drunk and pissed himself before we’d even started to film,” he raged, “and the less said about Vanilla Ice the better. All in all I’d say we got about thirty seconds of usable footage so in the end we decided to scrap the whole thing and went with a tacky video of Nick and a Snoop Dogg lookalike.”
“Working for Nick has become such a pain in the ass, he wont even let any of his crew say ‘who’ any more, instead we have to say ‘what Eminem said.’ As if dealing with his constant cock ups wasn’t bad enough without talking in fucking riddles,” he concluded.
Although video footage of the calamitous news conference has been buried deeper than a body in Fred West’s back garden, a short audio clip of a conversation between Vanilla Ice and Afrojack has surfaced. In the clip, Vanilla Ice can be heard hilariously begging Afrojack to produce a track for him, at one point stating, “I’ll even suck your dick man, I’ve sucked myself out of desperate situations before, just ask Suge Knight.”
Afrojack was later seen leaving the studio in an extremely relaxed state with news of a collaboration with Vanilla Ice expected to irritate ear drums early next year.
