Self confessed “party animal” Brian Jordan has been putting a series of cryptic questions to new co-worker, Daniel Collins, to determine if Daniel also enjoys “boozing and necking drugs.”
“It’s one of those things that you have to get out of the way with a new co-worker,” explained Brian. “You can’t just go over and nonchalantly say ‘So, ever snorted coke off a tit?’ to this random stranger who you’ll be forced to share an office with. You’re far better off asking some subtle questions that will indicate to you if the new guy likes to party without making it obvious.”
“Usually I’ll try and be very relaxed about the whole thing and disguise it as a whole ‘getting to know you’ conversation about likes and dislikes,” continued Brian. “So I might ask ‘do you like dance music?’ and if they say yes then you can be safe in the knowledge that they have some form of experience with drug taking and, most probably, a healthy drug taking appetite of their own.”
“With Daniel I didn’t want to just blurt out anything so decided to be more oblique and cryptic than I have been in the past,” added Brian. New co-worker Daniel, who had just joined the company, was eager to make friends but was also “wary of giving too much away about [himself] so…was on guard when being questioned by Brian.”
Daniel claims that he was wary of the direction Brian’s questions were taking as he didn’t want to expose his own drug taking and hedonistic past, but began to feel more comfortable as Brian’s questions became more obvious.
“At first he was just asking if I like dance music, and do I go clubbing often, which can seem tame enough,” explained Daniel. “But it developed from there and got to the point where he was asking me ‘what time do you normally stop drinking at on a Monday morning’ or to fill in the blanks in the popular phrase ‘would you like to come to the toilet for a blank of ketamine.’ At that point it was pretty obvious we were cut from the same beer soaked cloth,” enthused Daniel.
Brian and Daniel are now firm friends who are looking forward to becoming even closer while taking ecstasy over the weekend and are hoping they’ll both be calling in sick together every Monday between now and Christmas.
