An obnoxious guy who prides himself on “being a muscle bound banging machine,” believes, despite his lackluster social skills and below par intelligence, that if he continues to do push ups in the middle of a packed party then the women will “be around me like flies on shite.”
Paul Webster, a former high school football, swimming and soccer captain claimed that he was excited to impress women on the basis of his biceps alone.
“You know, a lot of people might try telling stories or getting to know someone or having a personality but that’s bullshit. I’ve got the ability to needlessly exercise to impress women,” he claimed. “My only disappointment is that there wasn’t a pull up bar, otherwise my dick would totally be wet.”
“Push ups make them think of the perfunctory sport sex that they could be having with me,” he continued. “The fact that they think I’d be having sex on top of them instead of performing doggystyle while looking into a bedside mirror while kissing my own bicep is laughable.”
So far no women in the party have had sex with Paul, preferring instead to hold their hands over their mouths and snigger, but he’s confident that his muscles will be the defining factor and that if he doesn’t get to have sex “with some hot body then [he’s] liable to straight up perform some other display of strength.”
“Failing that I’ll probably pop my shirt off and see who wants to do shots of Bacardi Breezer off my chest,” he added. “If I don’t score it’s fine. I’ll only punch one or two walls in frustration. It’ll only mean that I’ll have to spend four hours masking my lack of personality grunting in the gym tomorrow.”
