A lazy and hungover student who attempted to pick up a glass of “hangover nursing cider” using his feet instead of his hands has said that “he immediately” regretted his “silly laziness” after the glass upended all over his crotch before falling to the floor and smashing.
London based I.T. student, Derek Carr, is rumoured to have thought that “he had this” and was confident that using his feet instead of the more conventional hand approach would be a “piece of piss” and would save him precious seconds and physical energy because it would mean he wouldn’t have to get up off his “fat hole.”
“Looking back maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do,” explained Derek. “But I was all the way on the couch and the glass was on the coffee table meaning I’d have to sit all the way up to pick it up. My feet were right beside it. It seemed like a natural solution. I didn’t really put to much thought into it before attempting it.”
“Had I of moved I might have spilled the ashtray off my chest too,” he added.
Derek is said to have used the soles of both feet to clasp the two sides of the pint glass. He managed to successfully lift the glass from the table and bend his knees at an angle to take the glass within a foot of his waiting hand.
“I figured that Christy Brown was mental and he could do it, so why can’t I?” asserted Derek. “At first I was going to go for the toe grip around the rim of the glass, but I’d then have to drink from the same glass that my crusty feet held so I decided instead to go for the two foot clasp. It looked like it’d work.”
“I was almost there,” continued Derek. “But just as I reached out my hand to take the glass and bring it that final foot and a half to my mouth, it slipped. It soaked all down my crotch, momentarily shocking my willy with the chilliness of the cider, before smashing all over the floor.”
“I had to get up then anyway and change my pants, sweep up the glass and get a fresh drink,” concluded Derek. “I had to do so much more work than I would have had to do if I’d have just used my hand like a normal person in the first place. I made a lot of work for myself.”
“Had I of”? Seriously?