£10,000 MK Used Towel Sold On Ebay Was “Covered In Semen” According To Buyer

A mystery buyer who purchased a towel once used by house music legend, Marc Kinchen, for over £10,000 on Ebay has claimed that upon receiving the towel she discovered that it was “crusted in what can only be described as the unmistakable, shiny clumps of hardened semen.”

“I’m absolutely delighted,” enthused the female purchaser, who we’ll call Samantha to preserve her anonymity. “I was originally hoping that it was kind of soggy with sweat and had his grimy scent embedded in it.”

“I’d have been happy with that,” claimed Samantha. “So when I opened the package and noticed that it was splodged with crusted man cream I was overcome with joy. It took all my best efforts not to bury my face into it right then.”

Samantha said she wasn’t able to tell from the towel whether it had “been used for one big wank or maybe a few different ones throughout the course of a morning’s porn browsing,” but that there was a “fairly hefty amount of evidence” on the towel.

“I actually don’t mind how he used it frankly,” she continued. “Just the thought of him lying there, orgasming heavily, excites me. Asking myself did he finish and then just reach down looking for the first thing to hand like a sock? Or did he prepare for the wank beforehand and have the towel draped across his chest like a sort of wank bib?”

“I’ll never know the answer to those questions,” she added. “But I can always fantasise.”

Samantha said that she has no plans to wash or alter the towel in any way and is hoping to display it in her home. “Well you frame it don’t ya? I’ll probably put it somewhere prominent, like on the wall above my bed. Somewhere that I can admire it, contemplate it, show it off to guests or even just sniff it on occasion.”

“Had I known that the towel would in fact be covered in jizz then I probably would have paid even more,” explained Samantha, “it would have meant a second mortgage on the house, but when an opportunity like this presents itself you’ve got to do everything you can to grasp it.”

“I’ve never really encountered a celebrity in person,” Samantha continued. “Steve Buscemi once squinted at me on a train platform but I think he was just reading the timetable behind my shoulder so that doesn’t count.”

The woman who originally put the towel up for sale, Chloe McCormack, has described her frustration that “she didn’t stop to take a proper look at the towel” before selling it as she “would have definitely kept it.”

MK responded to the reports of Samantha’s purchase in a congratulatory manner. “Of the seven towels that Chloe had the opportunity to claim, six of them were definitely jizzed on at some point so frankly I’m not surprised,” divulged the DJ. “I hope the lady who bought it gets as much pleasure from owning it as I had using it.”

“They say you should never meet your heroes because you’ll only be disappointed,” concluded Samantha. “But I can tell you for a fact that that’s not true because I’ve met the hardened, dead, spermatazoa of MK and I’m pretty far from disappointed.”